I finally got my revenge against the lovely Mrs. Field. Being raised Seventh Day Adventist I was raised not to eat pork. And even after I strayed from my church I never ate the stuff. It was one of the tenets of my former religion that I always kept with me, and for good reason.
So now that the world is in a tizzy over this swine flu thing I can finally look at Mrs. Field and say I told you so. All the taunting about the delicious pork chops, all the funny faces while she bit into one juicy BBQ rib after another; and now, finally, her chickens....scratch that,her pigs are coming home to roost. "I guess you will be ditching the pork now huh dear?" I told her while reading my morning paper. "Not funny field, people are dying because of this stuff."
She was right, of course, it wasn't funny. People are dying from this "stuff", and the shit could be serious. Eighty six dead in Mexico and counting, and they are finding cases popping up from California to New York and Kansas in between. It's gotten so bad that we have declared a health emergency in these divided states, and we seem to be on the verge of a world wide pandemic.
Now I am no doctor, but I know that whenever you have a virus that can be passed on by mere human to human contact we could have a serious problem. I don't want to scare you folks or get too fatalistic, but the last major flu pandemic cost over 20 million (and possibly way more) people their lives. That is some seriously scary shit. Hopefully, we have come so far and become so advanced as humans, that we can contain this one and find a cure for this particular strain of the flu. Hopefully.
Oh well, I think one good thing can come out of this: Maybe we will start getting rid of all the pig food and start finding different things to do with them. (The pigs) I think they are too nasty to become pets, so maybe more pig skin belts and shoes? Just thinking out loud folks, no one is suggesting that you pork eaters give up your love of that particular delicacy. All I ask is that you hold out until this swine flu bug is cleared up. Think of it as your personal contribution to humanity. And while we are at it,-- at the risk of pissing off the Mexican tourist board-- we might want to chill on those Cancun vacations for awhile as well.
Now go get your flu shot.
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