I have been getting beaten up a lot lately, both for my handle -field-negro and for referring to some other blacks as house negroes. I mean no offense, but as one of my heroes and fellow countryman, Bob Marley, said in one of his songs; "who di cap fit, let them wear it"
So for all the people I offended, let me say this from the bottom of my heart; I don't really give a damn! Like I really care about a house negroes feelings. Some of you weren't really sure if you qualified as a house negro or not, and I want to help those people find themselves . So with apologies to Jeff Foxworthy for stealing his lines, I am going to tell you just a few things to help you know if you might be a house negro. Ready? Ok, here goes:
If you know what GOP stands for; you might be a house negro.
If your child gets nervous around other black kids; you just might be a house negro.
If you actually think old blue eyes-Frank Sinatra- was a better singer than Luther; you might be a house negro.
If you think Halle Barry is hotter than Lisa Raye; you just might be a house negro. (male version)
If you still call Muhamed Ali Cassius Clay; you might be a house negro.
If you think end zone celebrations in football are out of control; yep, you might just be a house negro.
If you think an HBC is a bank; you might be a house negro.
If you know someone who went to Bob Jones or Liberty University; you might be a house negro.
If when you hear of a Jaguar mascot in sports you think right away of Jacksonville and not Southern University; well you just might be a house negro.
If you think Rodney King deserved to get his ass kicked; you might be a house negro.
If you watched "Friends" and not "Living Single"; you just might be a house negro.
If you think the gipper was a great President; whew, yep you might be a house negro.
If white people tell you;" when I see you I don't see black or white, I just see a person." Well guess what, you just might be a house negro.
If you go to Starbucks for the ambience; you just might be a house negro.
If you think Armstrong Williams is an intellectual; you might be a house negro.
If you watch Fox and Friends; you might be a house negro.
If you think Roots was a black musical version of Hair; you might have house negro issues.
If you are over forty years old and have never seen "Cooley High"; you might be a house negro.
If you are under thirty and never saw "Boyz n The Hood"; the same applies.
If you actually watch Webster re runs on television; you might be a house negro.
If you think The Bayou Classic is a famous book by a Louisiana author; you might just be a house negro.
If you just love Montana in the spring ; you might be a house negro.
If you have to travel over thirty minutes to get to church; well you might just be a house negro.[You have to think about that last one]
If you are sure that the last police officer that stopped you was just making sure it was your car and someone wasn't stealing it; well your dumb ass might be a house negro.
If you are a grown ass man or woman and you call teenage white kids sir and mam; well you might be a house negro.
If you can see why O.J. killed Nicole-cause heavens forbid he was about to lose missy-then your ignorant behind might be a house negro.
If you got mad and quit the country club when you found out another black person was joining; your snooty ass might just be a house negro.
If you can sing the words to one Toby Keith song; you might be a house negro.
If your kids play lacrosse; you might be a house negro with house negro kids.
If you know the rules of Polo; yeah buddy, you just might be a house negro.
If you have ever cried during one single episode of Oprah; you just might be, just maybe, a house negro.
If you get the entire Paris Hilton thing; well your black ass might be a house negro.
And finally, if you think Tupac is a video game; well then your dumb ignorant behind, might just qualify for house negro status.
Now I gotta go, I hope I didn't offend you house negroes out there. After all, I need scraps from massa's table sometimes, so I can't afford to piss you off.
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